Originally Posted December 22

42 years ago, right now, just a little after midnight, my father started complaining of indigestion

4 hours later he would be dead; I watched the moment this happened, live and 3D . . . my relationship with my father was "complicated" and was turning a corner in a truly positive way, finally, in the year before he died

he was 56; I was 22 . . . the first of many deaths that would seem a little #too_common in my life over the years. I think my quotient of sudden unexpected deaths for people close to me is way past "the norm"

as a result of the geography of his death -- we were on a trip to Kentucky when he died . . . my life took sort of an unexpected turn

I was engaged to a beautiful young woman at the time of his death that I broke off and ended up, slam bam, turning around and marrying someone else, the "true love" of my life, who divorced me months later -- because I started talking about "seeing things" . . . and never saw again

this, for sure, (marrying Jo Jo and not marrying Jan) would not, in my opinion, have happened had he died 2 days earlier or 2 days later . . . but I was a reckless impetuous thing and girls (then, anyway) seemed to like me in a hurry . . Jo Jo and I had a series of brief "love affairs" from prior trips

she had a boy friend and yet still always saw me whenever I was there

we got together and went to the mall one day and that was pretty chill (although we "talked") but we (God, mysterious ways, that speech)

were thrown together in the days following my dad's death and just stayed together round the clock from then on
this caused some "issues" . . . in multiple directions

my beautiful funny Southern Belle (ex) wife wanted to get back together after she left but her family blocked this because, based on some of the things I said, they thought I "was crazee" . . . imagine a MAGA family of the time dealing with a 22 year old flamboyant "chick magnet" pretty boy version (and a Yankee, to boot) of what you see today; uh huh

I am not convinced they were totally "down with me" . . . #understatement

. . . losing Jo Jo was the first, and biggest, price tag I had to pay in order to try and harness the psychic tsunami that was about to start making (big) waves

it was also the end of anything resembling normalcy in my life, even though I was later married for years, had a corporate job and a beautiful magical baby . . . the original fracture happened after this divorce, because I tuned it and her out

and then the "psychic thing" and well, there was no bottle to put the geni in any longer

she ultimately died very young, not long after the marriage ended, as did my next major "girl friend" (we started living together a year after my divorce)

who got leukemia at 22 (I was at the doctor with her when she was diagnosed; a fiery, sexy, woman she had seemed healthy as a horse 3 days before) and was dead at 27 . . . there were more of these strange out of nowhere deaths around me still to come "as time went by"

culminated, of course, with the stillbirth of my daughter years later

within two years of my father's death, I would be a psychic prodigy wonderboy in San Francisco making the salt shaker slide across the table just by "looking at it"

a lot happened at lightning speed after his death . . . my world was literally night and day different after it happened

this is an old photo of my handsome father with the jet black hair and his little blonde son, a son he no doubt loved but could never really #understand

his nickname for me: "oddball"

not exactly, in my opinion, a term of endearment

and even though I was universally acknowledged pretty much by everyone as super smart, movie star good looking and with a "golden tongue", my "weirdness" (at least to them) was still always front and center

again, think artist outlaw in MAGA country . . . but that was the country into which I was born

of course, December 22 is a day I think about every year

and will as long as I have a mind with which to remember :(

Rudolph Childers Brewer (May 25, 1921 - December 22, 1977) 

I have connections with lots of people but the ones with whom I am truly we go (or at least "have gone") places and do stuff

are, more likely than not, professional artists (or artist types) with a Liberal attitude and a Liberal position on politics
not so surprisingly, I guess . . . I have many more friends who are models or musicians or actors or visual artists than I do psychics, although probably my closest friends (and the ones who "get me" best) are both psychics and artists combined

although, for sure, I have some tight tight tight friendships with other psychics -- but artists outlaws and rebels are the biggest group, by far <3

I don't have a lot (#understatement) of close friends who are conventional make a career types any more and I think this makes sense

and psychics who are ultra-conservative (and there are lots of them, make no mistake) as well as the smug smoke a pipe types talking about metaphysics who "know all" and knowing all makes them "superior" (hashtag #gag_me) . . . let's just say we don't vibe

love those you love because people who get you and walk your walk are more important than anything else in the entire universe
​
#friends 

10 years ago, the Psychic World "gate keepers" (and, trust me, there are gate keepers)

tried to impress upon me that I was doing things "the wrong way"

I was often introduced in those days (which always AMAZED me) as "the most controversial psychic in the world !!!"

wt fuck ???

"the experts" told me I was too loud, too irreverent, too #something (still, to this day, not fully defined) and, even more, I was cautioned to never talk about being #depressed or not "knowing all" or letting people in on why I might not be Nostradamus Insta-Whip in a bottle

I was a "dark energy" (yeah, I got that a lot) because I dated musicians or models who said shit or took their clothes off or did something #unacceptable

which only mirrored my own dark soul

and the one time I really went all-in New Age "power couple" girl friend was ultimately not a happy experience and kind of "broke me" of this approach "as a plan" moving forward

I also refused to give lip service to the nonsense (whoops, there I go again) of "creating my own reality" and would predict things like housing crashes and banking fuck ups, stuff no one wanted to hear

I also said "fuck", well . . . too many fuckn times

smh

I wouldn't say love and light, either (except as a parody) and typically would add "mother fucker" to the end of my Namaste

what can I say ??

I was told (by dozens of people, this wasn't just one or two) I needed to say this (only) and not say that and if I didn't heed their warnings

my life, career (and perhaps very soul) would suffer -- I ignored ALL of it and #thrived, (I was later voted "Lightworker of the Year", ya know) probably way more than they would have imagined; without doubt, way more than "they wanted" . . . lesson: listen to YOURSELF
​
viva L'Unicornia <3

I will release the print version of "Karmic Outlaw" next month; the Kindle version is available now on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B082MSBSNR/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0

I will also be setting up a Private Group on Facebook for people once the print version is released who have purchased the book in any format (and you need an Amazon receipt, or are someone who bought the pre-release pdf from me, to join)
​
in which I will schedule times to lead free online Q&A sessions for members . . . so if you want to join my Group, please buy the book

you create conditions within your life and within yourself

most likely to #align with things you may want, whether this be love, career advancement, health, etc

I am a firm believer that you build up what's inside -- I can't control what happens but I can positively impact my possibilities by creating conditions in my life most #compatible with what I want
​
you can't force things . . . however, you most definitely can entice them