and hide, really, my true self . . . I was good at this game, although I was confused as fuck at first but once I got the gig down, and was promoted high enough up the food chain that others would give me "feedback" that I was part of "the club"
I was able to go on auto pilot -- after Lehna died, I lost my ability to play this game
my intellectual abilities were still there, but my "body language" was off
I was just looking at the Facebook of a dude who is a big promoter of trump shit and all the good ole Southern white boy stuff that eats it all up
he has that corporate thang
and I remembered why, once more, it took me until I was almost 45 years old, super late to start, to jump on this train
and why when I got off, I could never get back
they "teach you" (and it is subtle, but -- if you want to get "anywhere" also #understood)
that empathy is a loser's game
this attitude is why we're a fuckn hott mess now
and boys like this boy serve as graphic reminders to me now why this world could never ever ever be "my world"
even though I play acted at it for awhile and got all the toys and plane rides and fancy dinners that came along with it
your soul is worth more than your career
you #grow through empathy and when you shut empathy "off"
ultimately, your soul atrophies
and begins to #die
soul survival -- that is where we are #now
everybody wants to be a "winner", have the perks that winners get
but at what cost?
what does it cost?
choices, ultimately, matter
in ways that might not, on the surface, seem so #obvious