I believe the ones that work, "work" because the partners remember to treat the other the way they would like to be treated themselves
so the focus is "on the relationship", not just on yourself
. . . too often, one (or both) partners has a perception (typically planted there by a committee) of how they "need to feel"
and get annoyed if the other one doesn't "do something" (or a lot of somethings) to meet that expectation
this is different than having standards -- I am talking about the ongoing "style of engagement" for relationships that have passed the initial "tests"
. . . I believe you focus on making the other one "feel good" and, if you do that, things will usually take care of themselves
if not . . . well stuff "happens" that you may not (consciously anyway !!)
. . . "want"
anyway . . . just my thought