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In Memory of my Mother

3/25/2017

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I understand now why "the ghost" whizzed past me last night and a bright blue light flashed . . . as that ghost was leaving what was, up until a few months ago, my mother's bedroom

my mother, Helen Jacqueline Brewer, died Thursday night around 2 am

she was 91 years old (11/25/1925 - 3/23/2017)

​my mother was sweet and peaceful and had been dancing in the hallways earlier this week. Last night, as I mentioned here, a "person" walked past the bathroom door some time around 11 pm; the light was blocked, just like someone walked past

and then a bright blue light flashed . . . important since they discovered my mother sleeping in an awkward position around 2 am but it is likely she died a couple of hours earlier . . . around the time of my "visitation"

in 1977, my father and I were in Kentucky when he suddenly had a massive heart attack and died --- this was around 4:30 am

when I drove back to get my mother, because I wasn't going to call her . . . she told me that my father had appeared to her around 4:30 am and said "I've had a long talk with the Lord, everything will be ok"

sooooo . . . Southerners and their haints

in what can only be more oddness . . . just as I was ready to turn in to the apartment this morning, we were stopped
. . . by a FUNERAL PROCESSION

and yeah, this story is too strange to be made up

I did a lot to try and help my mother last year -- it is no secret, perhaps, that this was challenging

my mother could never "let things go" -- she held grudges and it ate her alive, literally

a DIVA 'til the end, just a few days ago she was showing off her "figure" and saying "can you believe I look this good and I'm 91 years old !!"

apple, tree, that speech

when my daughter Lehna died in 2006, I changed "a lot" and the high-flying corporate gunslinger died along with her
and no one understood why I was so different, perhaps most of all my mother and that caused some issues for us . . . as she could never understand, nor forgive, why her high-paid son

went crazee and walked away from "all that money"

life is complicated . . . and I haven't grieved yet over this

maybe I will, maybe I won't . . . hard to say completely

in one sense, there is a freedom that comes with her passing; maybe you'll understand this, maybe you won't

I was never forgiven for being "different" and when I became a cash cow -- much to the amazement of everyone who had written me off as a "talented flake"

and then just STOPPED

well . . . I was never really forgiven for that, either

I did all I knew how to do . . . I could have turned out much differently, in my opinion much worse

but all that doesn't really matter so much now

a new world . . . uncharted territory
​
and so the wheels on the bus, once more, go . . .

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