hot and messy

in relationships, no doubt there are attractions to hot mess hookups; I likely have explored most of these reasons over the past 45 plus years as well as, NO DOUBT, having BEEN the hot mess for whom others had to explore this yes/no triage process for themselves

first off, a hot mess is ATTRACTIVE

sex and danger have a long-standing hand in bloody glove relationship and to go down this path, even though the potential invoice in the mail later seems "high"

Well . . . the Siren doth sing her crash into the rocks but love it nonetheless “song”

of course, the point of contact "yes, I think I would like to try that" impulse buyer early sign-up sheet is sure to be filled, even long after you've gone "hmmm, perhaps this really is NOT a wise plan"

sooooooooo

if you BOTH are a mess and neither of you are "hot" then this can be a comforting trip to Hell, although Hell is (without doubt) where the journey ends

Co-Dependency 101 Deluxe -- neither will believe the other and (on top of that, which is ALREADY a lot !!) they will ALSO be angry that they had to "settle"

even though their partner looks at THEM in the exact same way

plan = bad

however, this is a common relationship "story" and an easy one to graph

morale of THIS story -- being both cold and messy is always "complicated" and to find love one is best served by exploring the messy half of the room more than the thermostat

find why you feel "you're a mess" and work from there

you won’t find a relationship that works until you stop looking for a relationship that “validates you” -- and, instead, come from a place of balance and find partners that match you rather than “complete you”

this is your best plan and if you're looking for potential partners avoid (as much as possible) anyone who scores high on the hot mess metric

meaning, they need you (NEED YOU) to validate their parking voucher and that is the whole “point” of the affair . . . this rubber stamping assembly line relationship “task” gets old, fast

and is never ending, either, as long as you’re willing to pick up the stamp and keep stamping

Don’t go there and, if you do, learn and move on

however for those who have one foot in either hot or mess but can be seen, by a significant pool of pollsters, as “a catch” . . . it is a little more complicated

this is where it gets confusing -- because sometimes the desire to explore the hot messiness of hot messes, because it seems “exciting”

BLINDS you

to the dangers that are sure to come

and much as make-up sex and "unpredictability" have their obvious attractions

until you find some level of peace and harmony within yourself -- and the attendant belief that you are pretty good as is

then the chances of you reinforcing the messy parts of your world go UP . . . a lot

if you walk into this without examining "why"

. . . so, if you are looking for “the experience”, fine

but . . . long-term relationships will be "challenging"

until each of you do some soul searching as to why you may not feel

“Worthy”

And if others see you as worthy and (deep down) YOU DON’T, rather than give you an “advantage”, it really just paints a target around your heart

One that ambitious hot messes love to see -- so that they know where to aim

Because a hot mess relationship has nothing to do with people being eccentric or unemployed or not as smart as they might like or anything like that

The mess is the belief that they NEED love . . . and YOU owe it to them

And they are not obligated to return it, either . . . since they (a) don’t believe in it anyway (this is your job to change . . . and you can’t change it; not a good omen for job security OR job “satisfaction”) and (b) don’t feel you deserve it

Since YOU chose them -- which only proves you’re a mess, too

And if you might choose someone else if things don’t go well, since you’re “attractive”, then the prison bars will soon appear

In healthy relationships, being an attractive partner is seen as a positive; in Co-Dependent matches, it is seen as a threat

Co-Dependent partners tend to have “histories” in which everyone has treated them poorly; if ONLY they could find a GOOD MAN or a GOOD WOMAN, then they are soooooooo ready to give their ALL to make it work

“Can YOU be that for me?  I will be so happy and sooooo good to you if you can !!”

But if you hear a story that sounds like this, be on HIGH ALERT

if you should decide to go down this trail and decide you want to “meet the challenge” of being “the one” who’s different


Remember; everyone is only all the same

If the person only has one slot in which to put them

And if you ignore this simple, but profound, “truth”

Don’t be surprised if (no, when !!) things

. . . “get messy”​