Grief Shamed

Any of us who have suffered a profound and traumatic loss -- especially, I think, if it was sudden and sort of out of the blue

have, more likely than not, suffered an internal "shut down" -- I was a polite, together, "successful" 51 year old man; I had a fancy job and I was VERY conscious of making sure others were not made uncomfortable by my grief

in retrospect, this was the worst thing I could do; I blew up internally, bottled it, tried to "ignore it" and then, quite simply, quietly fell apart, all my Humpty Dumpties never to go back together

for any of you who have suffered these profound catastrophic losses (mine the stillbirth of my daughter) it is ok to be a little selfish in your needs

people grow tired of those who wear their grief out loud, don't want to "catch" what you have

and so it is natural that we learn to "shut up"

but being isolated is likely the worst thing you can do

I was, pretty much literally, charisma on a stick up until then

and perhaps because of this self-image (what I erroneously for 13 years thought my "asset" to self-healing)

I refused help

don't be like me

if you need time, you need it; if your rainbow is black, that's what it is

don't be "grief shamed"

because, truth be told, there is nothing to be ashamed of for feeling down when terrible things happen

we live in a society of instant gratification, memes and Instagram

there is often little room for those who are broken

and the ones seemingly keeping it together may be the ones with the most fractured pieces
​
don't try to do it all by yourself