especially my father -- who died long ago and often gets left out a bit in shaking the family tree
I keep "looking" for the silver lining baby unicorns between us but never find them
the theme with my father is one of jealousy -- he is (stereotypically) the rough hewn soldier and I am the commanding officer, blonde and glamorous
and they all hate me, him most of all
it is "interesting"
this "theme" repeats as I see it in multiple iterations . . . always the same; me, the upper-class officer, rich, flamboyant
him -- lower class enlisted man, with a deep seated hatred for all I "represent"
I realize that this could be reflective of deep-seated "issues" of which I am not fully conscious and certainly accept this as a strong possibility
Freud knew shit :)
however, I am fairly "good" at seeing things, even things about myself
and so I wonder what (if anything) it all "means"