and once we go there -- it is not so easy to "get back"
partly this is due to collective "consciousness" (and I use this in an almost pejorative manner -- as this collective consciousness is "group think" lowest common denominator automism)
that wishes to find members of the herd they can "justifiably" abandon and dismiss, so as to keep more berries for themselves
this is old old old stuff, deep set from cave men onwards
those of us who have fallen down this rabbit hole and, as a result, find it difficult to get "back up". . . know how complicated is the journey "coming back"
. . . many times I may have given up and just said "fuck it" -- my train is derailed and there is nothing but burnt cabooses in my future
and honestly it is only my work in "past lives" that has kept me "in the game" as the visions I kept having . . . (coupled with an almost undeniable "validity" to the "visions" I held for others; verified to the extent that they were, due to their feedback)
made me think "ok, I have stuff to do and I have always somehow 'done stuff' in the past -- time to buckle up"
my explorations in past lives, which (in a very real sense) took my focus away from things "group think" would have seen as more "productive", ultimately
brought me "back" to a sense of purpose and a belief in "possibility"
without which there IS no coming back
once you've fallen so far
Depression sucks . . . being suicidal sucks -- I have been there and don't really want to "go back" (although it is always a thought that is never 100% "done")
so I try to stay in my vision of "purpose", no matter any short-term frustration or sadness
I "believe" in my sense of purpose and that sense is fueled by my "past life"
. . . awareness
these "prior life times" and the spiritual essense brought forth throughout every journey
. . . exist and "I exist" -- firm in this "truth"
in the Cartesian cogito, first truth, modified only slightly . . . "I reincarnate -- therefore I am"
and this "truth" has kept me alive
. . . when perhaps nothing else